Dad

Dear Dad,

I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. A lot of things have gone wrong lately and I would give anything to have you here with me to give me the advice I need. I feel I have nowhere to turn. I feel like the odd man out.

I miss you

Love,

Lyndsey

Dad

Dear Dad,

I'm 26 now.  My birthday was ok but nothing like the big bangs I used to have.  Mom made me a cake and cooked me dinner and Paul bought me Guitar Hero.  I like the game and I play it often to try to numb my thoughts of you.  I found out the other day the school is thinking of making me History Department chair and I immediately picked up my phone to call you which then threw me into a very bad mood.  No one can appreciate this accomplishment like you would have.  I feel my life is coming apart and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it.  I feel so alone without you, like my only ally has abandoned me in the middle of the battle.  I think of how happy all of us were this time last year and then look at life now and see how miserable it is.  Man what a change.  Do things ever go back to normal?  I don't think they will.  I can't see how I can ever be myself again.  I'm moody Dad... beyond moody.  Everything is personal to me now and anytime someone says/does something to piss me off I just think...it should be you instead of my Dad.  Now, who lives like that?  I thought that with each day it would get easier (like so many I-been-there people have told me) but it doesn't get easier...it gets harder.  Each day is a day I don't get to talk to you, each day something happens I WANT to tell you about, each day I realize how much time I wasted when you were alive.  I am desperate to still make you proud Dad (hopefully I did when you were alive) but right now I am good for nothing.

I miss you

Love,

Lyndsey

Ways to Irritate Me

Sit me in a room to learn how to teach at the college level and then put cheerleaders in the next damn room... AGAIN.  You're pushing it TU.  Rah Rah Rah.

Dad

Dear Dad,

Today is our first real holiday without you (I don't count Father's Day because it is just made up for the card companies). Not only is it a holiday without you but it was your favorite holiday. Last night we were at Paul's Dad's house and popped some firecrackers. Madelyn was scared but I told her the firecrackers were trying to climb up in the sky so you could see them and they make a big bang so you can hear them. She seemed satisfied with that explanation and is no longer scared of the firecrackers. All in all, this day sucks and I wouldn't care if everyone just stopped celebrating independence day all together. Besides, you and I both know only about 25% of people truly know the history of this day.

Listen Dad, I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry I didn't make time to give you a hug goodbye the last time I saw you. I'm sorry I was afraid of the smell of the chemo and therefore did not sit up in your hobby room with you. I'm sorry that one time at Bells I made you ride the Zingo by yourself because I wanted to ride with another friend. I'm sorry for the time in college I didn't talk to you for a week because I was mad at you for asking if I was gaining weight (which I was). I'm sorry I quit softball too soon. I'm sorry I got irritated at you when you coughed too much. I'm sorry I didn't take advantage of the last 4 months of your life and spend much more time with you. I'm sorry I didn't call you everyday just to see how things were going. I'm a bad daughter and I'm sorry.

I love you

Happy 4th Daddy.

Lyndsey